I publish my first novel on May 2011. It’s called ‘The Writer’ and I am extremely proud of it, sadly, my manuscript had some issues, some grammar issues. I freak out. I even tough on remove the book for all the online places that it is right now, hide it until get to be perfect.
I am a learner,  so after I tough about removing the book, I stop myself and make a different decision. My book is only available in electronic version, so when I update the next file, with the corrections all the people that had bough it will get an updated file the corrections. The print version will follow after those get corrected. I feel bad, I do, but I also know that the fact that some grammar issues are distracting to the reading they did not kill the story. I should not have those, I agree, but they are there. About that I can only do two things, back off and remove the book, or fixed them and move forward. I choose the later.
I was born and raise speaking spanish, I learn english when I was 25 (I didn’t speak a word before that) and I have come to a point in witch I am not a great spanish speaker and I am not a great english speaker (frustrating I know). I came to this craft for the long run, I have another team of people working on the manuscript, and a new one will be out early next week. It will be error proof, I don’t know, unlikely,  but it will have less, and will continue going to correction until get’s to the place it should.
Should I be ashamed that I don’t have the team or editors behind?, no.
Should I be ashamed that the book had some grammar issues?, no.
I only should be ashamed if you discover that I am aware and decide to ignore them. It even cross my mind that this will kill my career as a writer, but then I cool down, it will only kill my career if I choose not to do anything about it, my career will be killed only by one thing, Fear.

My career as I writer will be killed:

If I allow the fear of some grammar issues stop me from writing, I will kill my career,
If I allow the fear of not writing anything good ever again, I will kill my career,
If I allow the fear of people don’t liking what I wrote, I will kill my career,
If I allow the fear of rejection from the readers, I will kill my career,
 
But I will not kill my career:
 
If I keep writing, and working into improving my grammar and the craft,
If I continue writing, even if my inner critic think is not good, and I never will write anything good again,
If I don’t write because people may not like it,
If I don’t write because people may not read it.
 
I went that path, I stop writing, and I didn’t like it more over there than over here, dealing every day with the fear, dealing every day with the opportunity is without a doubt more fun than the other option, and trust me, I embrace it, because of fear the other option.
 
I will write, even when I don’t feel like it,
I will write, even if I made grammar mistakes and crimes,
I will write, even if no one ever read me,
I will write, even if people dislike it,
I will write, even if no one ever read it,
I will write, because I am a writer.
 

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